I recently saw a post on my Facebook Newsfeed. It was an image that read: “I am a mom, My house is always loud and messy. And that’s ok, because one day it will be quiet, spotless and lonely.”
While it certainly is not my style to diss anyone for their creativity or opinion, it is my style to speak up about a topic that I am passionate about.
This kind of saying feeds the mentality that I fight against so adamantly; a belief that is totally off base regarding housekeeping, that we need to give a crap about other people’s housekeeping standards and opinions of us.
CLICK VIDEO BELOW – Blog plus some commentary
Mainly though, what I am concerned about most is the opinion we have of ourselves.
Creating statements like this is a way for us to defend ourselves against what other people say about us, and the feeling that our identity is wrapped up in anything else but who we are on the inside.
Our identity is NOT what role we are playing at the moment, and our identity is not somehow connected to the stuff that we own.
First I would like to address the portion of the above statement that our homes are messy because we have children.
That is simply not true.
How many of us who have children know other people who have children that live in clean, uncluttered, neat homes?
If houses were messy because of children why isn’t theirs?
Because we are not a mess because of any of our circumstances, we are a mess because of our habits.
As long as we have “REASONS” we will never get out from under.
(On a side note: If your house is messy with children, simply not having children in them will not result in a spotless home. Who are we kidding?)
Next I will address this sentiment in the afore mentioned statement … About the house becoming lonely, and somehow quiet translates into “horrible”.
I get that we will miss the “crazy” that is involved in motherhood and child-rearing… I am not trying to diminish the blessings and uniqueness of that time… But…
This, to me is us, trying to justify our lives to the OGP (Organizationally Gifted People).
We don’t have to do that. We need to live unapologetically if we are going to succeed as homemakers.
Another thing that applauded saying does is, it sets us up for a crash when the kids do grow up and move out.
It is the goal. We raise them so that they can become independent, grow up, and leave us.
We need to be nurturing our relationship with our spouses continually and throughout, because some day it will just be them and us.
You need to nurture the relationship you have with yourself too! Do things for you, have interests other than your children, have friends, live life. (Especially if you are alone)
I came up with this one, what do you think?
I recently moved out of my house where I lived with 2 of my children and my granddaughter. The door was never locked and all the other kids came and went throughout the day. Everyone did their laundry at my house and it was just the place to have parties and gather.
Loud is something that I always believed was just “Italian”
There are homes that are not loud with and without children. I like loud personally, but I set myself up to be OK with quiet.
We need to be focused on happy. When life changes instead of going off the deep end and becoming a compulsive gambler like a story I just read in a book I’m reading “The Power of Habit” by Charles Duhigg, in one chapter telling about what a mother did when the nest became empty and she didn’t
know what to do anymore, we have to plan ahead for happy!
Can we be caught off guard when the kids grow up and leave? NO! We know it is coming from the day they are born!
Is it easy? No… Change is never easy, but what is the alternative?
Loud, crazy, busy and yes, sometimes messy was my life for many many years, if anyone understands the transition from loud to quiet and occupied to lonely I do.
But to say a statement like that is as if being in quiet and alone is equal to sad and lonely. quiet isn’t sad and alone isn’t necessarily lonely. It’s just different.
I just had to say that it is time to NOT allow those kind of sayings to dominate what we believe, to take the reigns on our lives and live confident authentic lives, whatever stage we are in.
What are your thoughts?
The Tidy Tutor
If you are tired of the mess, and making those sayings give you an excuse for living less than you know you can be living, sign up for Tidy Tutor University and begin to see how you could be living! Click HERE! to start now!