“I Am a Mom!” Proclamation

I recently saw a post on my Facebook Newsfeed. It was an image that read: “I am a mom, My house is always loud and messy.  And that’s ok, because one day it will be quiet, spotless and lonely.”

While it certainly is not my style to diss anyone for their creativity or opinion, it is my style to speak up about a topic that I am passionate about.

This kind of saying feeds the mentality that I fight against so adamantly; a belief that is totally off base regarding housekeeping, that we need to give a crap about other people’s housekeeping standards and opinions of us.

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Mainly though, what I am concerned about most is the opinion we have of ourselves.

Creating statements like this is a way for us to defend ourselves against what other people say about us, and the feeling that our identity is wrapped up in anything else but who we are on the inside.

Our identity is NOT what role we are playing at the moment, and our identity is not somehow connected to the stuff that we own.

loud messy and quiet

First I would like to address the portion of the above statement that our homes are messy because we have children.

That is simply not true.

How many of us who have children know other people who have children that live in clean, uncluttered, neat homes?

If houses were messy because of children why isn’t theirs?

Because we are not a mess because of any of our circumstances, we are a mess because of our habits.

As long as we have “REASONS” we will never get out from under.

(On a side note: If your house is messy with children, simply not having children in them will not result in a spotless home. Who are we kidding?)

Next I will address this sentiment in the afore mentioned statement … About the house becoming lonely, and somehow quiet translates into “horrible”.

I get that we will miss the “crazy” that is involved in motherhood and child-rearing… I am not trying to diminish the blessings and uniqueness of that time… But…

This, to me is us, trying to justify our lives to the OGP (Organizationally Gifted People).

We don’t have to do that. We need to live unapologetically if we are going to succeed as homemakers.

Another thing that applauded saying does is, it sets us up for a crash when the kids do grow up and move out.

It is the goal. We raise them so that they can become independent, grow up, and leave us.

We need to be nurturing our relationship with our spouses continually and throughout, because some day it will just be them and us.

You need to nurture the relationship you have with yourself too! Do things for you, have interests other than your children, have friends, live life. (Especially if you are alone)

I came up with this one, what do you think?
Screen Shot 2015-07-06 at 8.04.42 PM

I recently moved out of my house where I lived with 2 of my children and my granddaughter. The door was never locked and all the other kids came and went throughout the day. Everyone did their laundry at my house and it was just the place to have parties and gather.

Loud is something that I always believed was just “Italian”

There are homes that are not loud with and without children. I like loud personally, but I set myself up to be OK with quiet.

We need to be focused on happy. When life changes instead of going off the deep end and becoming a compulsive gambler like a story I just read in a book I’m reading “The Power of Habit” by Charles Duhigg, in one chapter telling about what a mother did when the nest became empty and she didn’t
know what to do anymore, we have to plan ahead for happy!

Can we be caught off guard when the kids grow up and leave? NO! We know it is coming from the day they are born!

Is it easy? No… Change is never easy, but what is the alternative?

Loud, crazy, busy and yes, sometimes messy was my life for many many years, if anyone understands the transition from loud to quiet and occupied to lonely I do.

But to say a statement like that is as if being in quiet and alone is equal to sad and lonely. quiet isn’t sad and alone isn’t necessarily lonely. It’s just different.

I just had to say that it is time to NOT allow those kind of sayings to dominate what we believe, to take the reigns on our lives and live confident authentic lives, whatever stage we are in.

What are your thoughts?

Kathy
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The Tidy Tutor
PS
If you are tired of the mess, and making those sayings give you an excuse for living less than you know you can be living, sign up for Tidy Tutor University and begin to see how you could be living! Click HERE! to start now!

Leave a Reply 8 comments

Gay Norton Edelman - Reply

Kathy, your words always inspire me and this one was especially vital. I still don’t have much of a handle on homemaking, but I love that you’ve addressed the deeper issues. Thank you!!!!

Caroline Roach - Reply

This is spot on, thanks Kathy! I know my excuses all stem from a lack of discipline in those areas of life. I also realize a bit of discipline opens doors to my creative self…which needs space and time to thrive.

aragoobar - Reply

I like your version Kathy. I have always dreamed of peaceful quiet orderly and organized life. I am getting there with your program slowly but surely and practicing good habits. Change is imminent and we have to embrace it or we may just be left behind. Just read ” Who moved my cheese ” simple read but so enlightening.

rosegallant - Reply

Very, very true! While I am not a Mom, I am someone who has struggled with not being able to maintain a clean, clutter-free house. And, it had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that “life” or “kids”, in a mom’s case, got in the way.

I was a mess because of my habits, and the fact that I never learned how to organize and clean my “stuff.”

When I joined the Tidy Tutor University I was hopeless. Now, after having taken the course (and it is a course that will help you in every aspect of your life), I am happy…..not perfect, but happy 🙂 I have less “stuff” to organize, and I know how to keep life from defeating me which enabled me to give up and just accept the mess.

Life and “spontaneity in life” is Important. But, you don’t have to let life distract you from your habits of keeping yourself organized and clutter-free. Life will always throw you curve balls….insert things into your daily routines that will upset the cart and you will want to just “let things go” and give up. But, when we change our habits (like I did when I joined the TTU) life is manageable! Really! And, so much easier 🙂

So, yeah, I am not a Mom. But, I can identify with the words and sentiments in this blog. I used to use words like that to justify my existence……my chaos. Now, I am much, much easier on myself. I don’t let the world dictate who I should be. I just let me be ME.

Don’t let the world give you an “excuse” to be unorganized and chaotic. I didn’t. I took a chance on ME.

Rose

beverlyann - Reply

Kathy i just want to thank you for this sharing an everything i wish i could have realized this when my kids were small but you its OK cause now i can see some of the things i have done and need to do i can help them with things they need to learn im not to worried about the empty nest just yet i have grands that keep me busy an when that day does come i know my husband and i will cherish the time we have together love you Kathy you one in a million
Beverly

    The Tidy Tutor - Reply

    Thanks so much Beverly! It is my goal that those who are a mess now will be able to hold their heads high and not feel like they are not as good as anyone else. I want moms and women of today to “get it”… I love what you wrote me. So happy to know you. 🙂

    Kathy

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