This is a Throwback Thursday blog / video  that I am re-sharing today. I did it in August of 2013 while on vacation down the shore (Jersey speak for at the beach)

It’s about a kind of self care that revolves around being happy at home… If you are you dealing with a difficult existence with another person or people in your life, sometimes we need to be happy anyway and make a plan B, and sometimes we can’t do that, and we need to change our situation.

It can be tricky to discern which to do, but tricky does not mean impossible. Reach out to someone who’s qualified to help you, sometimes the answers are simper than we realize. I wish I knew years ago, what I know now…

I used to be married to a man who drank, he often would not come home from work and I would get so upset. I had an idea of how family life was supposed to be and what I was living was not matching up.

I would think, “We’re supposed to have dinner together as a family!” and then I would try and do something about it to make it happen. I would call bars to try to find him, I’d get the kids in the car and drive around to see if I could spot his car…

I learned in Alanon that these things robbed me and my children of joy. It put all the power of my happiness in someone else’s power. If he did this, I could be happy, if he didn’t I couldn’t be happy. I wanted things to be a specific way so bad that I allowed it to rob me of the moment, which we could never get back.

I learned about having a plan B, this was revolutionary to me!

Here was my new way of dealing with it… “OK, we aren’t going to eat dinner as a family, so lets do something else!” And I’d come up with ways to be “happy anyway!”

  • I could have invited a friend over to dinner!
  • We could have a picnic at the park.
  • I could put a blanket down in the living room and we could eat while watching a movie.

In the video I talk about the situations in life when we can’t be happy anyway, times when we need to change our situation for safety’s sake for example.

Taking care of ourselves is not selfish. After you watch the video let me know what you think.

Much Love to you,

The Tidy Tutor